“Is That Me Yelling? A parents guide to getting your kids to cooperate without losing your cool” was published in 2013 and is available in 5 different languages. It’s a best seller in China, but here in the US you can only get it now on Kindle until the next edition.
If you would like to set up a presentation or training for your child’s preschool or your workplace, you can contact me at .
Is That Me Yelling? is:
“Engaging and practical, humorous and evidence-based, prescriptive but not preachy, authoritative yet never stuffy, Is That Me Yelling? quickly rises to the top of the many parenting books I’ve ever read. Rona Renner provides thoughtful and achievable solutions. If you’re a parent who has ever yelled at your kid and wished you hadn’t, this book is for you.”
—Stephen P. Hinshaw, PhD, professor in the department of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley; and vice-chair of psychology at the University of California, S.F.
“Is That Me Yelling? is a complete and compassionate companion for every parent and educator. With excellent examples from her extensive professional and personal experience, nurse Rona illustrates fundamental psychological principles and functional parenting practices with empathy and enthusiasm.”
—Marisol Muñoz-Kiehne, PhD, clinical psychologist, parent educator, radio host, and author.
Sleep: What We All Need To Thrive
I am now hosting a show or two every month on “About Health” on KPFA, 94.1 FM, from 2-3PM. You can also listen anytime online at http://kpfa.org/
Here is the show about sleep from 3/9/15:
http://kpfa.org/player/?audio=9336
My guests were:
Karen Schwarzbach
San Francisco-based sleep expert and coach Karen Schwarzbach is the founder of Pivotal Sleep and Babies to Sleep. A Certified Sleep Consultant and Certified Wellness Practitioner who works with both children and adults, she’s the former managing director of the Association of Professional Sleep Consultants and serves on the advisory board of the International Maternity and Parenting Institute. She regularly speaks at industry-leading conferences and seminars and provides her expertise to household name corporations and organizations including Clorox, Facebook, Kaiser Permanente, eBay and Sutter Health.
Here are some tips from Karen: http://www.prweb.com/releases/2015/03/prweb12554429.htm
Dr. Allison Harvey
Allison Harvey is a Professor of Clinical Psychology, Clinical Psychologist, and Director of the Golden Bear Sleep Research Clinic at the University of California, Berkeley. Dr. Harvey is also an Adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Bergen, Norway. Her clinical training and Ph.D. were completed in Sydney, Australia. Dr. Harvey then moved to the University of Oxford as a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Psychiatry then a faculty member in the Department of Experimental Psychology, University. In 2004 she moved to UC Berkeley. – See more at: http://psychology.berkeley.edu/people/allison-harvey
Can Family Secrets Make You Sick?
“In the 1980s, Dr. Vincent Felitti, now director of the California Institute of Preventive Medicine in San Diego, discovered something revolutionary about the ripple effects of child sexual abuse. He discovered it while trying to solve a very different health problem: helping severely obese people lose weight.” Please listen to this NPR story, and don’t forget to talk to someone you trust if it reminds you of some of the things you faced as a child.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2015/03/02/377569413/can-family-secrets-make-you-sick
We know that Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) have life-long consequences. ACEs (such as child sexual abuse, neglect, and domestic violence) cause suffering and emotional pain, and many physical ailments throughout a person’s life span.
Finally, the profound study done by Dr. Vincent Felitti, is now making the news and getting attention. One of the reasons it got ignored by many for so long is that his results pointed to the consequences of sexual abuse in children—not a subject many people want to talk about. This is something he said to me when I interviewed him on Childhood Matters, over 10 years ago. https://www.nurserona.com/the-relationship-between-adverse-childhood-experiences-and-adult-health/ Also on this radio show is Rhonda James when she was at Community Violence Solutions.
Imagine a time when all doctors asked their patients about their ACEs score, and tailored their health care to their real needs.
Now, thanks to many organizations, people are talking about ACEs and implementing policies that are trauma informed. Below are some links that report on work that is being done.
Each of us can spend time reflecting on our own ACE score, and notice how we have healed, and where we still need support in order to live a full and healthy life.
And as parents, we can help to repair some of the trauma that our children suffered. It’s never to late to reach out to others with compassion and love, and to practice self-compassion as well.
I’m deeply grateful to the people in my life who have helped me heal.
Nurse Rona
Watch this passionate TED talk done by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a Pediatrician in the Bayview in S.F. and a national spokesperson for ACEs.
http://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/about.html
http://vetoviolence.cdc.gov/apps/phl/resource_center_infographic.html
Join ACEs Connection for daily stories from around the country. You will be inspired by what people are doing. http://www.acesconnection.com/home
A Time For Healing
During the weeks after my recent hip replacement surgery, as my body started the healing process, I had time to go inward and reflect on many things. I thought about my health, my work, and what the future may hold. I felt deep gratitude for my family and the healing we have all done over the years. I reflected on how grateful I am to the parents who I work with in classes and individually. I learn so much from each person as I am reminded of the love and challenges all parents face in raising children.
As you welcome 2015, take time to reflect on your life—what healing is needed? How can you come into alignment with your goals and purpose?
Think of the gifts you bring to the people in your life, and how you can feel more connected to the people you love or care for.
This is a time for healing. Start with yourself. Does your body need more movement, different food, affection, or time alone? Consider making a commitment to carve out time alone to think about your needs and develop a deeper sense of compassion for yourself as well as others.
Consider the children in your life, and think about their daily experience.
- Do they have opportunities to contribute to the family or their community and express their kindness and curiosity?
- Do they get out into nature enough with time to explore?
- Are they too stressed out by school and homework?
- Are you and your family able to disconnect from electronics and enjoy each other’s company?
- What changes do you want to make at home?
- Do you want to have more family dinners or fewer weekend commitments?
- What is working well? What needs some attention and shifting?
Many people are reflecting on the need for peace in our communities, our country, and our world. Acknowledging and healing the disparities that exist based on race, class, and poverty must be attended to if we are to have any possibility of peace. So do what you can and bring your courage, kindness, and generosity into the world.
Parenting Group For More Harmony At Home
Join other parents to explore ways to gain a child’s cooperation without losing your cool.
This series is based on my book, “Is That Me Yelling?”
Dates: 1/22, 1/29, 2/5, 2/12, 2015
Time: 7-9 PM
Location: Berkeley California
Cost: $40 per week ($75 for partners or spouses)
If you don’t yell much but frequently feel stressed or frustrated with your kids, this class will help.
In a safe, comfortable, small group setting you will—
- Learn techniques to manage your stress.
- Practice becoming more aware of your feelings, thoughts, and actions.
- Support each other’s desire to yell less and enjoy your kids more.
- Understand the temperament of your child and yourself.
- Review the 4 C’s of discipline—communication, choices, consequences, and connection.
- Develop self-compassion for when you lose it.
To reserve a space or learn more e-mail
Be Curious And Yell Less
When I hear the word curiosity, I can’t help but think of Curious George. But there are other meanings worth considering.
Curiosity is a strong desire to know or learn something. When you are curious you are interested in discovering something new or understanding something that’s puzzling. This attitude can come in handy when raising children because they surprise and perplex us on a regular basis.
“Why is he waking up at night all of a sudden? He’s always been a good sleeper.”
“How did she figure out what the password is on my computer? She’s only eight years old.”
If you’re stressed and rushed, your first reaction to some of your child’s behavior may be to yell. If you slow down and calm yourself, you may develop an attitude of curiosity and discover more about what makes your child tick.
Take the time to approach a new situation, disagreement, or challenge from a place of curiosity!
When you are able to notice and then manage your strong reactions of frustration, anger, fear, or disappointment, you have an opportunity to connect and engage with a child. This is a powerful step in resolving problems and preventing power struggles.
Here is an example.
Jada, a 6 year old who likes to take her time in the morning, frequently fusses when it’s time to walk to school. She wants to play one more game, or she searches for that special object, like a pencil or toy that she must have to take to school. Her mother Marla is usually in a rush, and gets easily frustrated when Jada isn’t ready on time. Marla is in the habit of yelling, and the more she yells the more Jada insists that she needs, “One more thing.”
When Marla tries the curiosity approach, she finds that it takes less time than she feared. As Jada stalls and says she can’t go to school without that special pencil Marla asks her to sit down with her for a minute. In a calm manner she asks her daughter a few questions, and then she listens. “Honey, do you have anything important going on at school today? When Jada says no, mom asks, “Tell me a little bit about your pencil. What makes it so special?” Jada says, without hesitation, “When I have to write my numbers I get scared that I’ll make the 3 and 5 backwards. With my special pencil I’m less worried cause the eraser is really good.”
Marla gives Jada a hug and reminds her that many children write numbers backwards, and that’s part of learning. She tells her daughter how she used to do the same thing. Marla makes a mental note to work with Jada on her numbers to help build her confidence. She also reminds her daughter that today is art day, something Jada loves.
Taking time to connect and find out more about what your child is feeling and thinking will often provide a clearer picture of your child’s experience. When you don’t have time for a morning sit down, remember to connect with curiosity later in the day.
To learn more about how to lower your intensity and calm yourself so you can respond instead of react, check out my book, Is That Me Yelling?
With gratitude and curiosity about how things are working for you.
Rona read more…